Tuesday, May 13, 2008

When sending me e-mail...

I recently upgraded my computer, which involved switching over my e-mail program from Eudora to Mac Mail. The new program has a junk filter which I will turn on in the next couple weeks.

So, if you send me an e-mail, please don't use the following in the subject line:

• Ejaculate like a fountain

• I find you interesting

• Get a longer rod

• Your wife will thank you

Some of you are probably thinking "But I was just about to send you an email about ejaculating like a fountain. What do I do?"

I don't have any easy answers, folks. Perhaps you should use:

• CIA-LIS – Cheapest prices and 100% satisfaction guaranteed!

or maybe:

• Yippe-ki-yay motherfucker (I usually open this one.)

Those should work just fine. For security purposes, when I send you e-mail I'll do so under the following subject lines:

• Your shlong will make her cry

• Crazy ass savings on luxury watches

• URGENT: Regarding your debt consolidation

I hope this clears things up and improves our communication experience.


Blogger Kym said...

Ouch! Having a few spam problems?

10:18 PM  
Blogger Rose said...

Guys get the worst of it.

Mine are now trying a new tactic - just look at my social schedule:

Winn & Hendrix Randall - Are you free on Monday
Shaver Scottie - Can we meet on Thursday
Wu Fern - Please don't forget Cornelius's reopening party, tommorow
Pettit Janice - Please don't forget Francisco's reopening party, tommorow
Ritter Nona - Tomorrowe we are invited to Gustavo's engagement party
Wood Abby - January meeting, tomorrow at 8.00 sharp.
Frieda & Heather - Remember, tomorrow we are invited to Estelle's engagement party
Clyde Gibson - The boss just called a meeting, tomorrow at 10.00.
Super Casino Jackpot - We are invited to Milo's engagement party, tomorrow - Super Casino Jackpot 1000.- start bonus to play over 100 different games Member-ID: 51'605 …
Alvin Leonard - Meeting, tomorrow at 10.00 sharp.
Hartman Rosario - Please don't forget Manuel's engagement party, tommorow
Duvall & Murphy Staples - Remember, tomorrow is Allie's birthday party

7:37 AM  
Blogger Jack said...

The spammers also have some sort of random name generator. I've received emails from "Bob Durham" which I opened in the off chance that it was a long-lost relative.

10:30 AM  
Blogger beachcomber said...

Don't forget to block the cagey "P3N15" and those "friendly Russian girls"...they want me REAL bad and I don't do chicks!

12:06 PM  
Blogger Jack said...

I also get a lot of these:

Привлекайте новых клиентов с помощью электронных рассылок!! Это доступно!

That's the subject line, by the way.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Gordon Inkeles said...


I need somebody in McKinleyville who I can trust with my $49,000,000 inheritance, that's in escrow back in Nigeria.

Jesus sent you to me because you have a pure heart and would make a good place to store the funds.

I come from a simple family and have been taught to trust others.

9:12 PM  

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