When sending me e-mail...
I recently upgraded my computer, which involved switching over my e-mail program from Eudora to Mac Mail. The new program has a junk filter which I will turn on in the next couple weeks.
So, if you send me an e-mail, please don't use the following in the subject line:
• Ejaculate like a fountain
• I find you interesting
• Get a longer rod
• Your wife will thank you
Some of you are probably thinking "But I was just about to send you an email about ejaculating like a fountain. What do I do?"
I don't have any easy answers, folks. Perhaps you should use:
• CIA-LIS – Cheapest prices and 100% satisfaction guaranteed!
or maybe:
• Yippe-ki-yay motherfucker (I usually open this one.)
Those should work just fine. For security purposes, when I send you e-mail I'll do so under the following subject lines:
• Your shlong will make her cry
• Crazy ass savings on luxury watches
• URGENT: Regarding your debt consolidation
I hope this clears things up and improves our communication experience.
posted by Jack Durham at 9:19 PM
6 Comments:
Ouch! Having a few spam problems?
Guys get the worst of it.
Mine are now trying a new tactic - just look at my social schedule:
Winn & Hendrix Randall - Are you free on Monday
Shaver Scottie - Can we meet on Thursday
Wu Fern - Please don't forget Cornelius's reopening party, tommorow
Pettit Janice - Please don't forget Francisco's reopening party, tommorow
Ritter Nona - Tomorrowe we are invited to Gustavo's engagement party
Wood Abby - January meeting, tomorrow at 8.00 sharp.
Frieda & Heather - Remember, tomorrow we are invited to Estelle's engagement party
Clyde Gibson - The boss just called a meeting, tomorrow at 10.00.
Super Casino Jackpot - We are invited to Milo's engagement party, tomorrow - Super Casino Jackpot 1000.- start bonus to play over 100 different games Member-ID: 51'605 …
Alvin Leonard - Meeting, tomorrow at 10.00 sharp.
Hartman Rosario - Please don't forget Manuel's engagement party, tommorow
Duvall & Murphy Staples - Remember, tomorrow is Allie's birthday party
The spammers also have some sort of random name generator. I've received emails from "Bob Durham" which I opened in the off chance that it was a long-lost relative.
Don't forget to block the cagey "P3N15" and those "friendly Russian girls"...they want me REAL bad and I don't do chicks!
I also get a lot of these:
Привлекайте новых клиентов с помощью электронных рассылок!! Это доступно!
That's the subject line, by the way.
Jack,
I need somebody in McKinleyville who I can trust with my $49,000,000 inheritance, that's in escrow back in Nigeria.
Jesus sent you to me because you have a pure heart and would make a good place to store the funds.
I come from a simple family and have been taught to trust others.
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