Exclusive interview with self

Q. Why have you agreed to submit to this interview?

Jack: Because I’ve been neglecting this blog, I’m afraid if I don’t post something, it may disappear from cyberspace. Also, I have some things to say and want to push the limits of narcissistic blogging.

Q. What’s on your mind?

Jack: I’ve been thinking about how much I dislike the fellow known as “Coach” on this year’s season of “Survivor.” He really bugs me and I hope he gets voted off this week.

Q. Do you watch a lot of TV?

Jack: Seems like I watch exactly three to four hours a week.

Q. Like what?

Jack: On Sunday I get home just before 10 p.m. and watch some cheesy drama called “Brothers and Sisters.” It clears my head. Then on Monday I watch “Antiques Roadshow.” On Thursday I watch “Survivor.” Somewhere in between I catch a “CSI” or “Law & Order.”

Q. Have you been doing much bicycling?

Jack: Not nearly as much as I would like to. Although today I did ride from Manila to McKinleyville. I also use a bike to get around town.

Q. What kind of bikes are you riding nowadays?

Jack: Now that the mountain bike is out of commission, I only use two bikes. I ride the Randonee when going any distance. For around town, I use my English 3-speed. For really short distances, I use a skateboard.


Q. Are you going to ride the Tour of the Unknown Coast?

Jack: Yes, But I’m uncertain about completing the 100 mile ride, being that I haven’t trained at all. My tentative plan is to sign up for it. If I feel good, I’ll shoot for 100 miles, but it’s highly likely I’ll just complete the 100K (60 mile) event.

Q. I heard you got a tattoo. Is this true?

Jack: Yes

Q. What does it look like?

Jack: Here’s the basic design.



Q. What is it?

Jack: It’s a killer whale done in the Pacific Northwest Indian style.

Q. Where did you put it?

Jack: On my right arm a few hairs below the elbow.

Q. Did it hurt?

Jack: it hurt like hell. It felt like someone was sawing on my arm for hours.



Here I am squirming in pain like a little girl.

Q. Why did you do it? What the hell were you thinking? You do realize that it’s permanent and won’t come off, right? Right?

Jack: Last year I started a whole new life. The change was profound and damn good. I wanted to commemorate this change with a tattoo. I could ramble on about everything this tattoo stands for, but it would be boring and silly, and most people wouldn’t understand. So I’ll have mercy and spare you the details. And, yes, I know it’s permanent. Well, kind of permanent. It won’t be around forever, unless someone makes a lamp shade out of my skin after I die.

Q. Do you plan on getting any other tattoos?

Jack: Eventually, on my back, I’ll have a giant Confederate flag surrounded by pot leaves with the Virgin Mary in the center. On my chest will be a picture Satan with snakes coming out of his eyes and flames shooting out of his ears. After that, I’ll explore the world of body piercing and get some old chicken bones stabbed through my nipples.

Q. Ummm.. read any good books lately?

Jack: I’m a few pages from the end of Commodore Hornblower. Good stuff. Before that I read "Hollywood" by Charles Bukowski.

Q. What are you going to read next?

Jack: I really don’t know. I was leafing through Huck Finn recently and found myself drawn in. I've read it several times. Maybe I'll do so again, or maybe not. I also need to catch up on my National Geographics.

Q. What else?

Jack: I purchased a shop manual for the 1960 Ford Falcon. I’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time studying the pages regarding the door mechanisms. I plan on disassembling the doors and getting the locks, etc. in perfect working order. I also got a catalog with all sorts of Falcon parts. I study it as if it’s sacred text.

Q. How does it run?

Jack: Fantastic! I spent a small fortune having a mechanic repair the brakes and give it a full-blown tune-up. It runs perfectly. It’s a beast!




Q, Was this a wise purchase?

Jack: Obviously not. But it’s a fun purchase. And having fun is important, right?

Q. You’ve gardened on and off over the years. How about this year?

Jack: Kim is a garden maniac, so I’ll definitely rekindle this hobby. The nice thing is that Kim can more than make up for all my weaknesses in the garden, like forgetting to water, etc. So there will be a big bounty this year.

Q. What do you like to grow?

Jack: Stuff you can eat, like carrots and beets.

Q. Why don’t you grow some marijuana like everyone else in Humboldt County?

Jack: If I was smart, I would. There’s a lot of money to be made. But there are all sorts of complications involved and I don’t really aspire to be a dope grower. Still, I have to admit that I get a little jealous when I see these guys pulling out wads of cash at the local stores. It’s like there’s a gold rush underway and I’m missing out. But I’ll stick to beets. They're really good on a salad.


Q. Sounds like you have a lot of projects underway.

Jack: Yeah, like the garden pond we just made. It’s pretty neat. I also have a watercolor painting kit which I’ve messed around with. I’ll dive more into that next winter when the weather gets bad. Right now I want to be outside as much as possible.

Q. What's this I hear about you and the President of the United States of America?

Jack: It's true. We're now friends, at least on Facebook. It's only a matter of time before I influence the entire country's foreign and domestic policy.

Q. Any regrets?

Jack: Yes. Awhile back I purchased a rear-view mirror that sticks on to my bicycle helmet. It's a real piece of crap. I wish I wouldn't have wasted the money. I also spent a dollar or two on a Bozo the Clown record that's all scratched up. I got bamboozled by Bozo.

Q. In closing, how about posting a few recent photos?

Jack: Sure. It would be my pleasure.



Here's Baker Beach, just one of the places we stopped to explore on my birthday, April 13.



Kim spoiled me rotten, as usual.



Hula enjoyed himself.



Kim took this photo of me later that day at the Clam Beach Inn.



On a different day, while on a bike ride, I came across this guy in the Arcata Bottoms. Which reminded me of this:





I'm so darn eco-groovy that I rode by bike to work on Earth Day, which is today. The Arcata Bottoms were foggy.



I like the wood on these old buildings.