Thursday, August 31, 2006

Projects

Project completed this summer: Major repairs made to garage roof. The Weather Gods now have permission to let it rain.

Project to be completed in next two weeks: Paint garage, unless it rains.

Projects to be completed by October: Install rain gutters. Repair drywall and paint inside garage.

Biggest mistake: Removing a portion of interior drywall that didn’t need to be removed. What was I thinking? For one day, I thought it would be a good idea to tear our all the drywall and replace it. Had I left it in place, I could have repaired a few holes and painted over it. Luckily I only removed about 5 percent.

Most important tool used so far: High speed, high-torque drill. The drill is so powerful,that if you’re not careful you could break your wrist. Seriously.

Most used tool: My “garage boxes.” I have two of them. They are made out of 1-inch thick wood. Each box is about 2 feet long, 1 foot wide and 8 inches high. They’re used for cutting wood, as stepping stools, to temporarily hold items, etc. etc. They are the most used “tools” year after year.

Most important article of clothing: Hat with large brim.

Future projects involving professional help: Rewiring garage and installing lights. I’m going to leave the electricity to the pros.

Mystery: There’s a particular kind of lock I’m looking for. The only place I’ve seen them is on TV. They’re on doors in ghettos. There’s a piece of metal that extends from one side of the door to the other on the inside. If they can be locked and unlocked from the outside, this would be ideal for my garage. Anyone know anything about these?

Shakira: I like everything about Shakira, except for one thing – she should only sing in Spanish. She falls flat when singing in English. Stick to Spanish. Other than that, don’t change a thing. What does this have to do with my garage? Nothing. However, I wouldn’t mind if Shakira came over and helped me with the drywall. Better yet, I’d like to tie some paint cans to her hips and let her shake them up.

Physical ailments as a result of project so far: Strained back muscles, gagged as a result of inhaling “Holiday Fogger” fumes (but did not vomit), scratches, a few small lacerations, sun burn, dehydration, severe case of the willies after being showered with termites.

Goofy side project: Today I stopped by the Arcata Recycling Center and purchased an old fashion window frame ($6) which will soon be transformed into the most awesome work of art since Pablo Picasso painted Guernica. This project has been on my mind for about a decade, but it wasn’t until today that I came across the necessary window frame at the right price. After it’s done, I’ll hang it, photograph it and post it here for a critique.

The goal of my first art creation in over a decade is for the viewer to have the following reaction:

1. Is that a window?

2. WTF?

3. I don’t get it.

4. Smile. (Laughing optional.)

5. Hmmmm? That’s odd and it serves no purpose, but I kind of like it.

If it works, I’ll hang it in the house. If not, maybe I’ll cut a hole in my garage and install it as an actual window.

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