How I Spent 30 Minutes With Rachel Ray

Yesterday evening I was exhausted, having just ended the weekly newspaper cycle. With election news and related material, as well as our special preview edition of the town’s annual festival, I logged about 73.5 hours.

A good portion of those hours were on the weekend. I stayed up late and woke up early.

The result: Sleep deprivation.

Last night I sat like a vegetable in front of the boob tube before falling asleep early.

I was a little loopy, and watched some programs that are not part of my normal viewing.

At one point I found myself enthralled by Rachel Ray on the Food Channel. She was explaining how to marinate a big piece of meat.

I’m not sure the point of these cooking shows. The host always proclaims the dishes a success, but how do we know? Maybe the dishes are cold, burnt or rancid. I’ve tried several FoodTV.com recipes. Some were nice, but some were clearly not thought out or tested.

But there I was – eyes wide open, watching Rachel dice some scallions and grate a lime.

I watched the show from beginning to end, flipping to the Memorial Day war movies during the commercials. (SPOILER ALERT: Although the Germans have much better looking uniforms, the Allies ultimately win.)

Back to Rachel.

CP, who was passing by, said “Why do guys watch this show? Do they imagine that she’s their girlfriend and she’s cooking for them?”

Ummm...Well... maybe so.

Rachel Ray could come to my house any day and make a nice meal – something she claims she can do in 30 minutes (cook a meal, that is, not come to my house.)

She has an over-the-top quality. She’s kind of loud and silly – the kind of girl you’d take to Chilis for margaritas and chicken wings. She’s easy on the eyes and that steak she was cooking – a real beautiful piece of meat! It looked juicy and delicious, especially when she carved it against the grain and plated it with a spicy hot Korean coleslaw followed by a pineapple-kiwi dessert toped with toasted coconut and drizzled with a ginger-infused simple syrup.

If Rachel ever came to my house, I'd point to the kitchen and say, "You've got 30 minutes baby! Make it good."

Speaking of food, I think there’s a real upside to both illegal immigration and the bird flu – cheap chicken!

They’re practically giving it away.

A few weeks ago we bought a whole chicken for about $2. Toss in an additional $1.50 worth of ingredients, and this is what we got out of it:

• 3 chicken dinners
• 4 chicken salad sandwiches
• 8 bowls of chicken soup

That’s about 25 cents a serving. What a deal.